Frustrated, Angry, Sad, Lonely, and Restless? Be Rock Solid

Those were the emotions that I felt this week, so it has been an interesting and dramatic week. There were some good times too, but let's focus on the negative this time to understand them and see how to get out of it -- be rock solid.

The details of how those emotions happened isn't important, but when I had them, I was completely consumed even though I know that I shouldn't. I tried not to react to them but they constantly slip out and just won't stop since the cause was still unresolved. So everything is falling apart -- despite everything that I know about life. A lot of my essential skills were being tested. Focus was always drifting to the problem. I wasn't sure if some of my principles were right. My emotions were all out of whack. I wasn't motivated anymore.

Something has to be done, and perhaps I wasn't doing something right, even if I think I was -- doing the right things should have a happy ending and I wasn't happy, so there must be something I am doing wrong. I started active meditation (aka thinking) to understand everything and also think about possible solutions based on what I know. After many hours of active meditation til the middle of the night, I concluded that I couldn't fix the problem, and therefore following my own advice, I will have to leave it -- reluctantly.

Before leaving, the next day, I did wanted to try one last time to see if I can fix the problem. While I wasn't sure if I fixed it, but I understood the problem better and wasn't sure if leaving was necessary.

Despite everything that's happening, as I didn't want to miss my first BayPIGgies meetup and also thought it might be a good distraction, I went. It seemed the topics were for newbies, so didn't learn much, but the networking and pizza was good. And pleasantly surprised to meet one of my ex-colleague and friend there, which made the night even better. :)

After I came back and took a shower (always therapeutic), not sure what triggered it exactly, but something that another ex-colleague said about the software he writes came to mind: "It's rock solid" is his response when someone asks about the quality of his software. Everything in my world was crumbling down because I wasn't "rock solid", not my principles or ideas. I need to believe in them, especially when everything is crumbling down. So I need to be "rock solid."

To be "rock solid" means to fully embody our beliefs, not just know and do but stand behind them and never waver, like a rock.

Unfortunately, on the next day, the problem wasn't fixed. Leaving didn't feel like the right thing to do, and with my new core principle "be rock solid", I will continue and try harder to fix the problem. And even if I can't fix the problem, I won't let my emotions affect me as I am the master -- not my emotions, and will continue to keep doing the right things, especially when the world is falling down.

At the end of the day, while attending a company Happy Hour, I embodied "rock solid" mentality, so didn't let my emotions and problems distract me from having a great time with my colleagues. I was pleasantly surprised and happy to find out that one of my colleagues also has similar interest in talking about life. :D

This is part of Guiding Principles for Achieving Lifetime Goals blog series.